We begin our Wisdom for the Heart series at the end, rather than the beginning. Proverbs 31 is that familiar chapter that serves as a foundation for many a Christian women’s ministry. I memorized it as a child (one of those passages included in our VBS scripture memory contests!).

We are immediately told King Lemuel authored this passage, a name which some Bible scholars believe is a term of affection referring to Solomon. King Solomon is the principal writer of the entire book which includes both his own proverbs and those he collected as a lover of wisdom (see Ecclesiastes 12:9). So, either it is Solomon himself sharing what his own mother taught him, or wisdom he gained from another king. At any rate, God gave it to us as wise words to be heeded.

The first nine verses contain the advice of a mother to her son, with the rest describing “an excellent wife.”  He is admonished to avoid strong drink and wine, to speak out for those who cannot speak for themselves, to judge righteously, and to defend the rights of the afflicted and needy. In other words, a man should use whatever position and power God gives him, not for himself, but in the service of others.

The godly woman described has a similar assignment. Her life is spent on others, not herself, as we can see in the extensive list of her responsibilities. If I read this as a checklist to fulfill, a standard to which I must measure up, I immediately feel like a failure. I believe it is meant to give us a picture of the kind of godly woman God wants us to be, more than a list of activities that we must strive to achieve. It calls us to examine our character – rather than the content of our daily duties.

Here are just four observations that we can take to heart.

As an “excellent wife”, I should…

* Be trustworthy and faithful to my spouse.

The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life (vs. 11-12).

The wise woman is careful not to give her husband any reason to doubt her faithfulness. Trust is the bedrock of any relationship, and it can be lost in minutes but takes years to restore. Remember, this is a mother talking to her son, so it’s worth noting that a wife who feels trusted and valued by her husband is motivated to keep that trust.

* Work diligently to care for my home and family.

She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness (v. 27).

Family life looks different in every relationship. In today’s culture, women have work responsibilities outside of the home as often as men. Sometimes it’s a necessity, but often it’s a choice. However you and your husband work out the details of daily responsibilities, I believe God intends and created women to be the lead caregiver and one who manages the household. And, as any wise wife and mother knows, you cannot “eat the bread of idleness” if you want your home to be clean and happy and a place of refuge and sanctuary for your family. It must be a priority.

* Speak with wisdom and kindness in all circumstances.

She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue (v. 26).

Oh, the tongue! James is right – it’s terribly difficult to tame, and only the Holy Spirit can do it. Regardless of how hard it is, as wise women we must discipline ourselves when we speak. Opening our mouth in wisdom means that our words have a purpose – to build up and encourage, to advise as needed, to correct when it’s necessary – but always, always in kindness. When we fail, may we be quick to apologize, and begin again with kindness.

* Use our God-given creativity to benefit our home and those in need.

She girds herself with strength, and makes her arms strong. She senses that her gain is good; her lamp does not go out at night (vs. 17-18).

These verses are in the middle of that exhausting list of accomplishments. This woman! She makes her own clothes, runs a business out of her home, buys and sells real estate, gets up before it’s light, and goes to bed long after dark. How can we possibly measure up? 

I don’t believe God is more pleased with the woman who can knit and sew than the one who clothes her children with Carter’s. We don’t all have servants to feed and clothe, and certainly, we all aren’t equipped with entrepreneurial talents. I believe the lesson is to make the best use of the strengths and gifts God has given you, to provide for your family, and to share out of that abundance with those who have need. It also reminds us that sometimes we may need to stay up a little later or get up a little earlier, to do what we’re called to do.

Matthew Henry makes note of this and mentions an old saying I had never heard: We say of an elaborate piece, “It smells of the lamp.”

Years ago, almost every woman would be trained in needlework. The finer the work, the more evident it was that she had spent many hours working, often late into the night by candlelight. She was willing to give up much, even her sleep at times, to create something beautiful, useful, and lasting.

This is true of all that we do as godly women. Our husband, our children, our homes, and the creative ways God has gifted us to serve Him must be a priority. May God make our hearts faithful and trustworthy and give us the daily strength and wisdom we need. As verse 30 reminds us, Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.