One of my childhood memories is watching the Little House On The Prairie series. The books I’d read came alive. I will forever picture “Pa” as Michael Landon and Melissa Gilbert will always be “Half Pint” in my memories.

I loved all the characters in the stories, but Harriet Nelson was a memorable character on the show for a variety of reasons. To me, she was the living personification of a few verses in Proverbs – the contentious woman. Two of these verses appear in today’s reading of Proverbs 21, which sent me on a search to find out exactly what scripture means by “contentious.”

Proverbs 21:9 – It is better to live in a corner of a roof than in a house shared with a contentious woman. (This same verse is repeated in 25:24.)

Proverbs 21:19 – It is better to live in a desert land than with a contentious and vexing woman.

There are also a few other uses of this word we need to address.

Proverbs 19:13 – A foolish son is destruction to his father, and the contentions of a wife are a constant dripping.

Proverbs 27:15-16 – A constant dripping on a day of steady rain and a contentious woman are alike; he who would restrain her restrains the wind, and grasps oil with his right hand.

And lest we think that women are the only ones who can be contentious…

Proverbs 26:21 – Like charcoal to hot embers and wood to fire, so is a contentious man to kindle strife.

The Hebrew word is miḏyān, and is often translated as brawling in the KJV. The root word means strife or discord. Some synonyms might be “argumentative, quarrelsome, or controversial.” You get the idea! This Hebrew word is only found in Proverbs.

While women have gained a reputation for “nagging,” both husbands and wives can fall into the habit of being contentious. What does Proverbs teach us, and how can we keep strife and discord out of our homes?

#1 – Contention can lead to separation.

Better to live in a corner of the roof…or in a desert. The message is clear. When words and actions continually cause strife, we’d rather be someplace else. No one wants to live in close proximity with a person who is always arguing or nagging and is never happy. We either withdraw emotionally and mentally or give in to the temptation to walk away physically. Don’t underestimate the damage contentious words can do.

#2 – Contention is unavoidable, but it can become a habit.

Like a constant dripping on a rainy day. We’re fooling ourselves if we think we will never have an argument or disagreement with our spouse, but if not careful, it can become our default mode. Words become actions, and actions become habits. A dripping faucet is an irritation, an annoyance, but constant disagreement will erode the kindness and affection we desire in our relationships, and make it miserable to be with one another.

#3 – Contention feeds on more contention; it needs an abrupt interruption.

Like charcoal to hot embers and wood to fire…like trying to restrain the wind…or grasping oil with the hand. What do you do to put out a fire? You stop feeding it. We must learn the lesson that we don’t need to say everything we are thinking. When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise (Proverbs 10:19). A lot of our contention and strife can be avoided simply by closing our mouths to one another and opening our minds and hearts to talk to God instead. Just stop talking.

These words are convicting to me. I have strong opinions, and so does my husband. I’m thankful that as followers of Jesus, we have the Holy Spirit in us to convict us when our words are headed in the wrong direction. We’ve learned that sometimes we have to just stop talking about something until we’re in a better mindset and give Jesus time to work on our hearts!

Is there strife and contention in your home? It doesn’t have to be that way. Jesus is the Prince of Peace, and He can make your home a peaceful place. Ask Him to help you avoid being a Harriet Nelson in your little house.